1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
