I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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