Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
