Do you still have your period?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
