Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
