How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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