Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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