i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
