I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
