And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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