wrigley field is MILF paradise
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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