I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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