I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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