remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I CAN MOONWALK!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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