walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
