it's too hot outside to masturbate.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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