whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
3pm strippers are depressing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
