I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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