I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
