All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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