i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
