We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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