I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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