and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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