she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
