I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
