Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
