Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
