her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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