I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
