my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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