I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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