i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
