i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
