woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
