Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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