i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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