Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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