Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
