At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
