She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
