Quick, to the slutcave!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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