do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
