Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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