I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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