I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
