We're like a lot better than the average bears
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
