i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
