I got chris browned last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
