Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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