I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
