Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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