My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
