Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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