I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
