all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
