Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So apparently I’m into choking now
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