and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
