i don't like sucking hair
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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