i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
