I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
