I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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