Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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