We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
