Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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