He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
