i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
