Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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